This post has nothing to do with Autism

When Andrew was a baby all everyone would say was how much he looked like Erik. It's true, he really does, Especially when he was a baby. Now that he is getting older I see so much of my self in him. He has my ears(poor thing) my facial features, but still I get " WOW!!!, He REALLY looks like his Daddy" from random strangers and family. So here are some pictures. I don't have any pictures on my computer of me as a baby, but here are Andrew and Erik's hospital pictures and pictures at around 4 months old.

Andrew's hospital picture

Erik's Hospital picture

Andrew 3 months

Erik 3 months

Me - 2/3

Andrew - 2/3

He is my child, I promise!

He is autistic right?

No, He is Andrew. He just so happens to have Autism thank you very much!!! - Sorry, that really irks us.

In other new, the last couple of days Andrew has been saying his ABC's backwards. Yes from Z to A, with ease. It's awesome.

I still can't believe he is 3!!!

Today I asked him what is in my belly and he SAID BABY!!! Now, he probably has no clue what that means, but he still said it!

School for him is going very well! Today when I picked him up the Autism specialist was there and she said that she is very impressed by him, but is still concerned with him language. He KNOWS how to talk and knows that he has to to get what he wants or get his needs met, but lacks severe motivation beyond that. She said that they are going to get in contact with Ms. (Soon to be MRS!) Stephanie and see what they can come up with

My kid is lucky to have such an amazing team of people who love him and want for him to have the easiest life possible

Big BIG news :)

Our little family

How we told our families

 

 

Needless to say Erik and I are VERY Excited. Baby #2 in officially on its way! Andrew will be a big brother coming late June/early July 2013!!! Andrew, at this point isn't really aware of anything. Our main goal with him is to get him to stop kicking his feet on my stomach ( something he has does for sensory)

Since this is a blog about Autism, I will say this It is currently in the back of our minds with this one. If it happens it happens, nothing we can do to stop it. I am not going to waist, what will probably be my last pregnancy, worrying about it. I am going to cherish every flutter, and kick and rib punch. We know the steps to take if something pops up, so I think we are good :) :) :)

I will be 9 weeks on Sunday (11/25) We have seen a strong heart beat, I've hired a doula and my OB is FANTASTIC.  Baring complications I will NOT be induced again and so far I am not really sick. I've had a couple of days where I've puked and I do get puky if I don't eat, but so far so good.

I will throw in some updates about the pregnancy as things go along, but this will still mostly be a blog about Autism

Hope you all have a wonderful Thanksgiving! I know we did!!!

Day by day

I can't believe it's been almost 3 months since we've gotten Andrew's official diagnosis. Things are looking SO good for him. He has recently started at the local Early Childhood school, and his teacher Ms. Sharron is great! Thought this entire process, I have yet to meet someone who has not been just fantastic with my son! He's only gone 2 days so far, but he is already doing fantastic!

Erik and I are doing well, Some times things get stressful, but I honestly believe at this point in our relationship, there is very little we couldn't get though together. He is my rock, and I love him so very much!

We finally picked a therapy company for Andrew. He will be going with the company I work for called Beyond Boundaries of Autism. At fist we were hesitant, because I was told I was going to have to quit my job, but after talking to Kim, she informed  me that because I have been with them for 4 years and because I am a valued employe who is good at their job, I will get to keep it. Obviously there are some other semantics to it, but I won't bore you with them! This is just FANTASTIC news!

It should be very interesting what the next few months will be holding for my little family. I can't wait to see where my 3 year old will be in his life as he grows, I am just SO SO SO proud of him. I hope he knows it!

Oh yea, last Monday (11/5) was Andrew's 3rd birthday! Here are a couple of pictures!

He looks so much like his Daddy! :)

Time for an Andrew update!

Again, It's been a while since I've updated. Sorry about that, but here we are in our life now.

On October 1st. We had Andrew's first IEP ( IEP stands for Individualized Education Plan) and he will offically start school on either October 31st or on his Birthday, November 5th ( I CAN NOT BELIEVE MY BABY IS GOING TO BE 3!) Any ways, They have a VERY bright out look for Andrew. They found though their eval that he is very driven by praise, He can count and identify numbers up to 20, Identify upper and lower case letters, spell his name and is just a cutie :) We had teachers fighting over having him in their class.

While overall it was an overall good experience, still it is hard to have to sit and hear the reasons you child qualifies for a special education class. I did break down and cry. I cried because I just HATE focusing on what he can't do. At home and at pre-school with Ms. Stephanie, we use his strengths to help him in areas that he is lacking. I understand that we have to reiterate what he can and can't do so we can get him the help he needs, but still it gets WAY old. We are going to have to continue to do it when we interview Autism company, which is going to be a task in and of it's self.

While we would really love to go though my company for Andrew's services, that would mean I would have to quit my job. With Erik in full time school and not working right now, I don't know if that would be quite feasible, but then again we will see where we are in 15 months. We are lucky that there are a lot of great options in our area for services.

Erik and I have been talking about how recently Andrew has just broken though this wall. His language is becoming more articulate and clear, He's trying to string words together and it's like he is FINALLY understanding that words get him what he wants! That in and of it's self can be a little trying. When he first started talking any time he used verbals for anything we gave it to him, now he is learning that is not always the case. Sometimes, I know for my self personally, I have to take a step back and realize that he is going to be 3 and that not every fit his has is because he is on the spectrum.

Right now we, as a family, are in a great place. Andrew is fantastic and we can not wait for our future! :) :) :)

Anyways, as I almost always leave you, here are a few pictures and a video if I can get it to upload!

Andrew looks a LOT like his Uncle Robby

Enjoying Little Farmer with School

First time really eating a popsicle, He ate the whole thing too

He's wearing Mommy's sun galsses :)

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^ I really hope that works.

I wish I was witty

So I could come up with clever titles for my posts. I suck at that.

Anyways. Today was an interesting one.While I was home today with my sick boy who spent the night puking, running a fever and whining/crying.  I get a knock at my door. I almost didn't open it because I looked like a total scrub. I am talking yoga pants, a tank top (with NO bra) hair in a pony, that I later found out was a frizzy mess, and smelling that sweet smell of stale vomit. I peek through my peep hole and see that it is my neighbor. So I open the door.

I peek my head out and she just gets right to the point. She said " HI, how old is your son"? I replied "almost 3"  "Does he talk yet?" "No, he has a severe speech delay" " Oh, are you getting him help?" "Yes, We have birth to 3, he goes to an amazing preschool and will be starting school in the school system just after his birthday" " So, He is 3 and doesn't talk? That explains it!" "No, he has very few unprompted words, Why do you hear him screeching?" "Yes, I used to be a teacher, so I knew something was up, do they know what's wrong with him?" "He has Autism"

You get the point. She asked more questions about when he was diagnosed, how we knew, and if he "was always like that". I answered politely, just wanting to crawl in to a hole. Finally when that was over, I walk back in to my house and tear up.

Don't these people know there is more to my son than Autism? Can't they see how AMAZINGLY smart he is? Why can't they know that he can count and identify numbers up to 20 and knows and identifies all of his ABC's upper and lower case? Why can't they know that once he learns something it is with him FOR LIFE. He is like a freaking elephant and never forgets ( that can make for tricky parenting, by the way) Why can't they know that he figured out our fridge lock in 4 days when we were making a point to hid it from him?

It sucks that they can't know my child, It sucks that they judge him and us because they hear him screaming. I know, I know... I am just having a really hard time right now because, unless we are talking to family about Andrew, they (b-3, SSI, School) are only concerned with his deficits. It is really heart breaking to have to go over and over what your child is lacking all.the.freaking.time. I know that her heart was probably in the right place and HEY! At least she didn't call CPS on us thinking that we were beating him or something, But it is just harder as he gets older and everything is becoming more and more obvious to more people on the 'out side'. Life will go on and Andrew is lucky to have parents who are taking the steps to make sure he has a bright future. It is just overwhelming.

Anyways. I am going to leave you all with something positive! A picture of my beautiful boy :)

I suppose I should update

Haha Sorry I suck at this blogging thing! I feel like a lot  has gone on since I last updated :)

A couple of days ago we met with Claudia, she will be our case worker. She came to our house and walked us through all of the processes of applying for everything.  It was nice that Erik got to go in to work later so he could actually be there!  We started all of the paper work for SSI and will have a face to face interview on 9/18. I have to say, while SSI is a FANTASTIC program it is a pain in the ASS to apply for. I called Dr's office after Dr's office because we needed dates for all of this appointments in the last YEAR. In the last year Andrew has been to his Pediatrician 3 times, once for some sort of sickness and the other 2 for developmental checks. He has had an EEG, we've been to Brookfield twice (the Lilly center) and we have seen Dr Steffen twice. He has also been to an audiologist twice, because the fist time we went he failed his hearing test. YIKES. SO after I call and get all of this information, I get to this last page and they ask for his Medical ID number on our insurance card, so they can, get this, Get all of his medical records!!! What a waist of time! lol

Well anyways that is all done with for now. We will hear back from Claudia in a couple of days after she has gotten the chance to do what ever it is that she was needing to do.

Andrew's life is going to be getting a little hectic because now Daddy is off of work and in school full time so he will be home with Andrew A LOT more that Mommy. :( :( :( He has a great daddy, but I am positive they will get in to a ton of trouble. :)

Other than that  life is good :) Time to go put the little man to sleep!

Have a good night folks,
Shauna

It's been a while

Sorry for the delay in post, life has been crazy!

Since my last entry, it's been a crazy week! We got out apt set up (the 31st) to meet with our country case worker to get on the autism waver, apply for SSI and answer any other questions we might have. We originally thought that our follow up apt with Dr. Steffen was on the 16th at 3:00, when we arrived at 2:45 we were informed that our apt was actually at 2:00. Boy did I feel stupid. I really can't stress enough how AMAZING Dr. Steffen is. She is, the kindest, most professional, most hands on Dr. I have ever encountered.

On the 16th, she came out and talked to Erik and I for a little bit and then went to play with Andrew. She gave us some (more) packets to fill out and then escorted us up to the appointment desk and asked us what time, THE NEXT DAY, would work for us. We got an apt for 12:15 on the 17th!  Unfortunately Erik couldn't get off of work early again, so I had to go alone.

Have I mentioned how FANTASTIC she is with Andrew?  Anyways, We got back to her office and Andrew ran to the toys and I sat down to talk with the Dr. We had *MORE* paperwork to fill out, so she asked questions, I answered. After about a 1/2 an hour of that she asked if  Andrew's made progress since we first started this journey, at 22 months. I answered honestly and heart brakingly, No, he really hasn't. She said that, while he might not have met the criteria for Autism at 22 months, he meets the criteria for Autism now. She originally thought that she was going to lable him PDD-NOS, but now she is thinking just Autism disorder. She said that she sees a lot of potential in Andrew because he is not totally in his own world. He is cuddly, loving and he is attempting to talk and wants to please us.

We will get the final report in the mail in a couple of weeks.

Life is just going to get busier. Just in the nest 3 months we will be wrapping up Birth to 3, starting school, meeting with county workers, interviewing Autism companies and eventually getting started with Autism therapy.

Get some support!

I will be attend my first Autism parents support group tonight. I am curious to see how it goes, How other people handled their situation when they were in the same spot as Andrew, Erik and I. I'm not sure, but I feel very nervous, Kinda silly if you think about it. All these parents are most likely a head of us in this journey. I'm sure it will be helpful.

This also makes me thankful of how much support my and Erik's family provides us. My Mom, sister, grandma, Dad, step mom, step siblings, Erik's Parents, grandparents, and brother, a long list of others who love Andrew, Erik and my self regardless. No questions asked.

I would suggest getting some support, if you haven't already from anyone. Friends, family, a community support group.

Here is a list of websites that can provide and on line community. Some times it helps, being anonymous.

This is a program specifically for parents in Wisconsin.


Just remember folks, Normal is just a dryer setting!
-Shauna <3

Vaccines- Is there a link to Autism?

Today I am going to talk about the controversial topic of vaccines and Autism. I am going to talk about my personal beliefs, what science says /  why there was ever a connection and why there is all of a sudden an Autism epidemic. So buckle up folks, it's going to be a long one!

My personal beliefs are this. No - I do not think that Autism is /caused/ by vaccines. I do believe, however that it CAN trigger the symptoms -  That is based on my personal experience, what I have witnessed with my son and other children. Andrew's symptoms happened to come after his shots. MMR also has egg protein in it, and at that time we were not aware of all of his food allergies, Maybe that is what triggered it. I doubt we will ever know. I believe in my heart of hearts that Andrew would have had Autism, regardless of if we would have had him get his shots.

In 1998, a researcher named Dr. Andrew Wakefield, published his study on the link between MMR and Autism in the British medical journal, The Lancet. On February 2nd of 2010 the study was retracted by the medical journals editor, stating "It has become clear that several elements of the 1998 paper by Wakefield are incorrect, contrary to the findings of an earlier investigation," The General Medical Council ruled on Jan. 28, 2010 that Wakefield and two of his co-investigators had acted "dishonestly, irresponsibly and had shown "callous disregard" for the 12 children in the study. The study suggested that the symptoms of autism in eight of the children and the gastrointestinal trouble in all 12 were somehow linked with exposure to the MMR vaccine.

 Do you see what he did? He gave parents, who were sad, angry and looking for something / some one to blame, something to blame. He played on fears that all parents have of their children some how not being perfect. Autism experts have said that it is purely coincidental that the symptoms of Autism start around the age of 2 and that is when the vaccine is given. IF it were true that vaccines did cause Autism, then it would be led to believe that Children who are vax free would not have Autism, and that is clearly NOT the case.  Here is a good link to a Mother's video diary about how she knows for a fact that vaccines did not cause her sons Autism.

If Autism was caused by vaccines, wouldn't it affect both boys and girls equally? Why are boys 5x more likely to be affected? 1:54 boys compered to 1:252 girls?  If it is all about vaccines, why does Autism occur in the Amish community, where they have remarkably low vax rates? I just doesn't make sense to me.

This leads me to the last part of this debate. Why are Autism rates rising?

Autism wasn't first defined or described in the US until the 1940's It then took the APA (American Psychiatric Association) until the 1980's to classify it in the DSM, a tool used to diagnosis Psychiatric disorders, and it took another 24 years AFTER THAT, so in 2004, for the psychiatric establishments to officially state that Autism is a developmental disorder rather than a form a psychosis or schizophrenia. Until then children and adults with Autism were put in mental institutions because the medical society, and their families, believed they had a form of  psychosis.

The rates of autism are rising because our understanding is rising as well. People who were originally thought to be mentally retarded, schizophrenic, or had some other form of psychosis, now have an official diagnosis.

I can say for a fact, that any future children we have will have their vaccines. They will probably be delayed, just because I don't like having more than 1 shot at a time, so why should my kiddo have to? I can also say that, even if vaccines did trigger Autism, I would rather have my child have Autism than something deadly that will kill them.

What is boils down to is this. It is up to the parents to do their research. Make informed choices, talk to your child's doctor, talk to friends and see why they did or did not vaccinate their children. As parents, we have a lot on our plate. Mommy wars and putting other peoples choices as parents down isn't going to get us anywhere. Help, educated, listen and someone might actually get somewhere.

Routine

Routine, my folks, is the way we live.

Up at 6:30
Cuddles / playing in bed until 7
7:00 Daddy gets ready to go to work and Andrew and I watch Misty Island rescue and eat breakfast.
8:00 Brush teeth / Get dressed for day care
8:15 out the door for school to arrive by 8:30
Andrew is at school from 8:30- 12:00 - And that is scheduled and routine as well.
After we get home at about 12:15 Andrew takes his shoes off and goes straight to his train table. He uses that as a calm down after his day.
2:00-4:30,*usually* Nap - He is starting to grow out of them, but I would say he takes one about 3-4 days a week.
4:15 Daddy gets home, so after Andrew wakes up we run any errands that need to be run.
6:00 Dinner
After dinner we veg out and do what ever we want. Usually together, but some times we do things on our own.
9:00 Bed time. We watch an episode of something on Netflix (Lately Top Gear UK) Andrew gets his "sleepy tea" and cuddles up to Mommy (He has been a total Daddy's boy recently, little trader!) and falls asleep
Erik and I go to bed at 10:30

Get up and start everything over at 6:30

Very rarely does our routine waver. If it does it usually leads to a hard day for Andrew. For instance, yesterday here in lovely Wisconsin it down poured, So they couldn't go out side at school. When they came up for lunch Andrew was thinking it was time to go out side. He grabbed his shoes and waited by the door. When Ms. Stephanie told him it was time to eat, not go outside. He headed straight down to meltdown town. Lunch is at 11:00 When I got there at 11:45, he was still eating. She said that he screamed for about 25 minuets. :(

So there you have it folks, a day in the Robinson household. May not be that interesting of a live, but it's ours :)

All Autism NOT created equal.

I was an activist for Autism long before it affected my intimidate family. I have worked as a line therapist for autistic children for almost 4 years and I LOVE it. The children I have worked with have been all over the spectrum. Literally. I have worked with children who are 10 years old that are nonverbal and still in diapers and  6 year olds who can dived fractions, write novels and have been reading since they were 3!  I love my job and have a true passion for it and the kiddo's I work with. Having it hit my home has only made my activism more intense.

One of the main things I hate about Autism, especially on the higher functioning end, is that it is a blind 'disease' That unless they know the symptoms or that the child is on the spectrum, people just think that the child is weird, behind their peers or mentally retarded. People pass judgement on your child and on your parenting. They think that when your child has a meltdown, it is because you are a shitty parent and all your child needs is a good spanking.

Another thing that I don't like, and I have to figure out the right way to say this so I don't offend anyone. I don't like when people say "At least it is high functioning Autism" YES I am thankful and grateful that my son is high functioning, but that doesn't mean that his life is going to be easy peasy. When it is said like that I feel people are minimizing Andrew's daily struggles and what Erik and I are going through as his parents. HFA doesn't mean that he is not going to have trouble making friends, or not have trouble getting a job because he doesn't understand social ques. It does not mean that he wont struggle in school even tho he is bright.

 I AM beyond grateful that my son should have the ability to get a job and function in society *hopefully* on his own. But that still does not mean that he isn't going to have to work. So please don't minimize everything that he has to go though daily just because he is high functioning.

Truth is, we don't know what the future will bring, none of us do! Tomorrow he could wake up talking in full sentences or he could wake up and have regressed even further. Your child could wake up tomorrow and your family could be in the exact same position as ours. Your child or another child you love could be 1:88. All I am asking is that you take a step back and try to put your self in their shoes. Realized that that child and parent (who LOVES that child more than anything) that you are judging are probably going though a lot more than you think. Would you want someone staring or commenting while your child was having a difficult time? No? Ok Then.

Great weekend!

It was a good weekend! Erik and I went to a wedding down in Milwaukee, While Bug got to spend the weekend with Granny, Tay-Tay,  MY Granny and Desi J. Of course he was fantasticly well behaved for them <3  Little stinker.

When Andrew was a baby, He was kind of scared Desi. She is a fast paced, hyper, tiny little thing Andrew goes up to her shoulder and she is 7! I think that when Andrew was a baby it was just too much for him. NOW that is he is almost 3, and off the walls himself, he LOVES her. She is the only child that he really plays and interacts with. He follows her around, copy-cats her, and just loves her to pieces. So he had a lot of fun :)

While Erik and I enjoyed our time away, we were exhausted! We left the reception at about 10:30 and we were both asleep by 11! Didn't wake up until past 9 the next morning. I have to say it was AMAZING. I don't think I have slept thought the night since before I was pregnant! lol We checked out of the hotel early so we could get back to Andrew because we really missed him. It was my 5th and Erik's 4th night away from him since he's been born!

After we got home, we just enjoyed some family time. It is truly our favorite part of every day. Erik and I truly and wholeheartedly enjoy our time with Andrew and love every minuet of it. Of course there are ups and downs, but every snuggle and every laugh makes everything worth it. <3

P.S. Granny is my Mom, Tay-tay is my Sister Taylor, My granny is Andrew's great grandma and my moms mom and Desi is my God-Daughter :)

Welcome to Holland

Sorry for the multiple posts, but I found this today; It hits the nail on the head.


Welcome to Holland-

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability  to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this


When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip to Italy. You buy a bunch of guidebooks and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum, the Michelangelo David, the gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.


After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."


"Holland?!" you say. "What do you mean, Holland?" I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy.


But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.


The important thing is that they haven't taken you to some horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.


So you must go out and buy a new guidebook. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.


It's just a different place. It's slower paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around, and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills, Holland has tulips, Holland even has Rembrandts.


But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy, and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life you will say, "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."


The pain of that will never, ever, go away, because the loss of that dream is a very significant loss.


But if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things about Holland.

Written by Emily Perl Kingsley

I hate hard days

Today we are having to keep Andrew home from school with Ms. Stephanie. He will not keep his clothes on. I've tried 4 different outfits. He's screaming and crying, throwing things banging his head on the floor. It's a nightmare.

I hate days like this, not being able to figure out what triggered it or how I can help him. This is mine and Erik's reality. This is Andrew's reality.

Right now, He is watching his favorite episode of Thomas, cuddled up with my pillow and Dad's blanket. He seems to be calming down for now, So hopefully our day will get better.

Well, We knew it was coming

We had Andrew's appointment today and it was actually pretty interesting. It was me, Erik, Andrew and our speech pathologist, Kristin. The Dr herself came out to get us and Andrew was playing with one of those Dr office toys that no one knows the name of. She went right over and started playing with him. Finally we got back to the office and we talked a little bit about what is going on, she observed him and attempted to play with him, she was SO good with Andrew, It really made me feel at ease. She said that he is VERY intelligent, so much so that if he was verbal she would have given him an aspergers diagnosis,

\but because he isn't he will be labeled PDD-nos / high functioning Autism. He started to melt down while we were there, so we cut the apt a little short and are going to finish up all of the official paperwork when we go back on the 16th. I did a lot better than I was expecting, I didn't cry. I teared up, but I didn't cry. It's like I am almost relieved. It is finally over and we can move on to the next chapter in our lives.

After we got out of the appointment I noticed that I had a voice mail on my phone. It was from our local school district. In October we are going to go in and have an IEP meeting so we can talk about our goals for Andrew and all of that fun stuff.

We are just getting started on this long journey, but I know things are going to turn out just fine.



UPDATE:
I guess I lied again. I truly seem to be running the gambit of emotions today. Right now I am bitter, resentful and angry. I truly hate feeling that way. I hate looking at others people's children and resenting them because they can tell their parents what they need, how their day was and just what it is that is making them so angry. I hate being bitter, having the " WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO MY CHILD" screaming in my head. <- It shouldn't happen to ANYONE'S child. I hate being angry. I am angry that I am so bitter and resentful. My child isn't dying. This isn't a death sentance! There is no reason I need to be getting like this! Resentful to a child? I mean COME ON! UGH * Deep breath*

I don't really know if anybody reads this, but I will tell you one thing. Having this blog for the short amount of time that I have had it is very therapeutic.

It is my hope that one day someone will read this and know that they are NOT alone. That they have someone they can talk to. To help another parent going though this, help them understand that it really is OK to feel like that and most importantly know YOU.ARE.NOT.ALONE.

I lied

So I am a big liar lair pants. I was really struggling today and I can't really explain why. Everything hit me at once. HIS APPOINTMENT IS TOMORROW! I was an emotional mess on the verge of tears all day, but I couldn't actually cry.

I dropped Andrew off at Preschool with Ms. Stephanie (We LOVE her) and I met up with my friend Kassie so she can follow me back to my place and we can chat about what is going on in our lives. Her son, N, not quite a month older than Andrew,  has already been diagnosed with Autism. He reminds me SO much of Bug and that just solidifies the reality of tomorrow for me. I love my time with Kassie and her sons and truly cherish her as a friend, but I SO wish we could have found each other under different circumstances. At the same time I love having another Mommy to go though this with.

After they left, I tired to take a nap because I actually didn't sleep at all last night. But instead I just laid there, looking at the background picture of my phone. My beautiful son.

I tried to cry, I had to get some of this emotion out, but I couldn't. I was completely numb. So I listened to "It Won't Be Like This for Long" By Darius Rucker. That song ALWAYS makes me cry. By the time he sings the chorus for the first time I am bawling like a big baby. It was almost comical. I was blubbering, sobbing, had snot running down my face, the whole shebang. I spent a good 20 minutes crying like that before I had to go pick Bug up. As I am driving to go pick up that beautiful kiddo,  It hits me again. Another wave of comical crying. I actually had to sit in Stephanie's drive way for a little while to pull my self together.

When I walk in the door, Andrew comes RUNNING up the stairs to get to me and gives me a kiss. He knew just what I needed, then he just laid his head on my shoulder and we walked out.

Just like that.

Just like that, that beautiful creature that I had growing in me for 8 1/2 months, that beautiful creature that is going to be 3 in 3 months made me day all better.

We got home and he had fallen asleep in the car, so I carried him up the stairs and  put him in our bed. I sat there looking at him, wondering what his future was going to be like, when I had to remind my self.

One day at a time, Shauna.

I go and get some coffee, sit down on the computer and log in to facebook and this pops up.

We worry about what a child will become tomorrow, yet we forget that he is someone today. ~Stacia Tauscher

It's almost like it was waiting for me. With that I am back at this place of acceptance. I know there will be hills and valleys in this for all of us, and that some days will be better than others. But at the end of those days I still have my amazing child.


... and you know what? That makes everything better :)

Andrew's Birth story

I have told you guys in a previous post that my pregnancy, labor, and delivery of Andrew was not an easy one. Here is the story: This is a long and somewhat descriptive post. So there is your warning!

I found out I was pregnant on March 13th, 2009,  It was a Friday the 13th actually.  I already knew I was pregnant before the test came back positive. Long story short, Andrew is a DOUBLE birth control failure baby.  I started getting sick, I kid you not, the next day. Little did I know that was only the beginning. I threw up every.single.day. for 27 weeks. I lost 20lbs and almost got my self hospitalized because I was so dehydrated. I ended up with something called Hyperemesis gravidarum. I had never been so sick in my entire life. It was all I could do to get out up bed in the morning, If I left my apartment and then came home, the smell of my apartment made me puke. It was that bad.

When I was 25 weeks, one of the kiddos I worked with at the time, kicked me in the stomach. My OB had me come in, even tho she wasn't there she wanted me to see the on-call Dr. I get there they take my blood pressure and it was 160/100. At first they thought it was just because I was nervous. They put me on the Non-stress test machine, and left me alone to relax. While I was relaxing, my OB's nurse just happened to stop in. When she found out I was there, she came in and explained what was happening. I had protein in my urine and elevated blood pressure. They put me on weekend bed rest and told me to come back in on Monday when my regular Dr. would be back.

At 26 weeks, I was diagnosed with Pre-Eclampsia, and put on modified best rest. I was told that I can shower, go to the store if I HAD to, but to lay low. After 5 weeks of that I was put on strict bed rest and began to have BPP's ( a fancy ultra sound  ) every other week and Non-stress tests every week. On the plus side I got LOTS of ultra sound pictures :)

Baby feet

Baby face

Baby hands

Profile

Around 33 weeks they noticed I had WAY more amniotic fluid than I should have had, and I was monitored even closer... I was seriously GINORMOUS!

This was at 37 weeks, when I was induced. You can see how huge my belly is and how swollen my face was

 On 11/3 at 6:00 P.M. I went in for my induction. I REALLY did not want to be induced, But my blood pressure was out of control. It was getting in to the 200's, I could not get rid of the head aches, and it was starting to affect my liver function. My body was not ready to have that baby. I was only 1cm dilated and I was not effaced at all. My Dr started my induction with Cyetoteck that evening and I was on it all night. I woke up the next morning (11/4) 2cm dilated, and then they started shitocin...I mean Pitocin. Soon enough they were upping the dosage every 20 minuets until I got in to a contraction pattern. An induction meant that I could not labor in the water, They needed me on the heart rate monitors 100% of the time. I needed to walk or move to get through contractions. They put me on a portable monitor so I could walk the halls with Erik.  Because I had SO much fluid Andrew kept falling off the stupid machine and pissing off the OB nurse. She told me I was restricted to bed so they could keep an eye on him, EVEN THO HIS HEART RATE WAS FINE! Around 10:00 that night My OB came in and broke my water. Things picked up right away. She told me that I was STILL at 2cm and that if I didn't make any more progress by 3 AM, they were going to do a c-section. 3AM came and the nurse checked me. THANK GOD! I was at 3cm. NO c-section! At this point I have been in labor for 33 hours. Up for way longer. I was exhausted. The nurse suggested that I got an epidural. I said no, but that I would take some other form of pain relief. They gave me a shot of something and I passed out for about an hour. I woke up to crazy contractions one right on top of the other. The nurse suggested again that I get the epi, and at this point I agreed. Soon enough I hear the nurse talking to the anesthesiologist. She said that I would probably end up with a c-section, so she talked me in to one... The dude came in, gave me the epi and I fell asleep again. 5 am I fell asleep. I work up at 8, to a new nurse. Her name was Maria, and she was amazing. She cheked me and told me that I was 8 1/2 cm. She no sooner to the garbage to throw her gloves away and I told her I NEEDED her to check me again, I reallllly needed to push. She checks me again and told me I was 10, To start giving 'practice' pushes. As soon as I was done with the first one, she told me that I NEEDED to stop, that it was her first day back from maternity leave and she wasn't particularly keen on the idea of catching Andrew lol. She put a call in to my Dr, who was at the other hospital she practices at, told her that I was ready to go. my dr told her to have me give practice pushes because I was a first time mom. Maria stepped in to the hall and I am not sure what was said. But she came in and told me that the Dr was going to see a few more pregnant ladies and then she would head over, just to let me labor him down. It was around 10 by this time and Maria checked me again, She hadn't really left my side this entire time. She said that she was going to call Dr. P again. Maria but have made it to be pretty urgent because my Mom, who was waiting in the hall told me that the Dr was literally running down the hall to get to my room when she got there. She got in my room, 3 pushes later at 11:05 AM Andrew Marshall Robinson was born earth side.

Now, in case you thought my birth story was boring, here is where it gets REALLY exciting! :::WARNING::: THIS IS DISGUSTING!  While Andrew was in utero he had passed miconioum. AKA He pooped. When he was born he inhaled some and got what is called miconioum aspiration. The NICU team was in the room working on getting him breathing. He was grey, limp and completely lifeless. It was single handedly THE scariest moment in my life. While all of that was happening, I wasn't concentrated on my self until I started to feel really dizzy. I looked down to see my Dr pulling handfuls of blood out of me. I was hemorrhaging. Some point during all of this they got Andrew breathing and they gave him to me.  I was shaking so bad that I gave him straight to Erik.
I lost over 2 liters of blood. They gave me some medication and I eventually stopped I was told that if I lost any more I would have had to have a transfusion. Andrew and I did get to go home 3 days later

So there it is. To sum it up 41 hours of labor, 3 pushes, a grey baby and a hemorrhaging mama.

P.S. I am not going to re- read this, so sorry for any spelling/grammar mistakes.

September until now

Our Apt. at the Lily Center: We went back in to this room, with a table and some toys. Sara, the woman who was 'testing' him asked us some questions about his development, why we were thinking Autism and then observed him playing with toys. She told us based on his current age (22 months) he was too young for a diagnosis. She told us that there are a lot of red flags, but she wants us to come back in 6 months. From there we had his hearing tested and started with Early Intervention / Birth to 3.

Andrew eventually passed his hearing test and then we started our testing for Birth to 3.

I need to start this by saying that our Early Intervention team is AMAZING! They are caring, supportive and they LOVE my bug (Let's be honest,  have you seen my child? He is pretty Loveable)

Adorable Child!

To qualify for EI your child has to have a 25% delay and one area or multiple areas. Andrew qualified for speech and OT services. He was testing at 15 months for expressive speech and 17 months for receptive. He receives Speech 1x a week and OT every other week.

In June of 2012 Our speech pathologist Kristin, Service Coordination Lyn, and Occupational Therapist Sue came to us and told us that while Andrew was making a little progress, it is not where they hoped he would be. That with him going to be aging out of Birth to 3, They were /strongly/ ugring us to seek a second opinion because the people at the Lily Center were giving us the run around. Sue said that his SPD (Sensory Processing Disorder) was getting worse and Kristin said that he really isn't making progress with his speech despite us working with him.

ANYWAYS! We then made an apt. with Dr. Linda Steffen at the Behavior Health Clinic. Per EI's recommendation.

We go to that Apt this Wednesday. Aug. 1st 2012.

I know an official diagnosis is coming. I have know for a long time. But still, to hear the words. "Your child is Autistic"  is going to be like a stab in the heart. I KNOW it's not a death sentence, I KNOW that he can still lead a productive life, I've seen if first hand! I KNOW that is he still going to be the same Andrew that I love, adore and wake up for every day. On Aug.1st he will be the same kid that he was on July 31st. A diagnosis and becoming one of the  1:88 children that are diagnosed with ASD ( 1:54 boys) in this country,  All of that is NOT going to change my son.

He is MORE than a statistic. He is Andrew, and THAT is all I will ever ask him to be.

A little boy, who LOVE animals

A little boy who is beautiful.

A little boy who LOVES Thomas and sleeping in laundry baskets :)

A little boy who loves to swing

A little boy who loves to line toys up

But most importantly, He is a little boy who is LOVED 

All of this is what defines Andrew. Not Autism

How it all started...

I'm not sure how to start this, I've never had a blog before. I guess an introduction in to who we are and why we are here. I am Shauna, and this is going to be my family's story about our journey in Autism.

To get to where we are now, I guess you will need a little back story. Erik and I were high school sweet hearts <3 we started dating my senior year and quickly found our self's getting serious. We have been together since January of 2006  On 11/5/09 we welcomed our baby boy Andrew Marshall in to the world. He was 8lbs 5.6oz of beauty.  On May 19th 2012 Erik and I finally tied the knot, and most importantly, we all finally have the same last name! lol

My pregnancy, labor and delivery of Andrew were NOT easy, but I will talk about that more one day.

He was about 4 hours old in this picture <3

When Andrew was an baby he was advanced in everything. No, I'm not just saying that as his Mom either, I promise. He rolled over at 3 weeks, sat up at 4 months, crawled at 5 months and walked at 9 months. At 10 months he started identifying mama and daddy to Erik and my self, He would call out for my moms cat, Ginger. By the time he was 18 months he was talking in 3 and 4 word sentences and had about 20 signs! He knew his colors, all of his animal sounds and his ABC's.We were told buy our Dr's and by this program that we participated in called Parents as Teachers, to prepare for a gifted child and to NEVER compare any future child to him because this is NOT normal. Lol... Little did we know!

He pulled him self up in his crib at 6 months old.

At 7 months Andrew started having what looked like seizures. Our family Dr. referred us to a pediatric neurologist. Dr. Edgar ordered an EEG and then 2 weeks later we went in to the office for the results. I ended up having to go by me self because Erik got called in to work. It started out with good news. Andrew didn't have seizures, he was NOT epileptic. Dr. Edgar, upon viewing his EEG and a video that I had of Andrew during an episode. He diagnosed him with Benign Infantile Stereotipi Spasms. When a person has a seizure it scrambles their who brain, when a child with this disorder has a spasm it focal points on one part of his brain. LUCKILY for us Dr. Edgar was also an Autism specialist. He went on to tell me that out of the children who has these spasms about 60% go on to develop Autism and that with Erik's family history of it he was thinking that Andrew had about an 80% chance.

He ALWAYS has a smile on his face :)

This was his second EEG, I don't have pictures of his first.

One morning when Andrew was about 20 months old, he woke up and it was like he was a completely different child. (This was the morning after his shots, but I will get in to our beliefs on that in future pots as well) He would not talk or sign, at all. He would not make eye contact with us. It took all of our power and my knowledge as an Autism therapist to get him to engage, he was STUCK on lining things up and spinning wheels. I knew right away that something was wrong. Soon after he quit sleeping, He was going on day four with 20 minuet cat naps about three times a day when I finally gave in and called our Dr. Our normal Dr. was out of town so they had us see a nurse practitioner. When she came in Andrew was in a full melt down. He was screaming, banding his head on the door and stomping his feet. The NP asked me what was *I* though was wrong. I said " I think he is on the Autism spectrum" She told me that he was 2, There is NOTHING wrong with him.

See on the train table right behind him? See all of the various wheeled things in order by size? YES - he did that on his own.

We would find this all over our house

He is also obsessed with Thomas the Train :)

At this point I was crying; I was telling her all of the symptoms he was having. How he had regresses, was seeing visual stim and how he was seeking gross motor pressure. How he would throw tantrums for 45 minuets at a time. Finally, she started taking some notes and told me that she would give this information to Dr. Spencer. about 4 hours later we got a call from his office telling us that Dr. Spencer made us an apt at The Lily Center in Brookfield, WI. We went on September of 2011.

This is just the beginning of our crazy journey. I will post another post about what has take place for us since the Lily Center.