Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Well, We knew it was coming

We had Andrew's appointment today and it was actually pretty interesting. It was me, Erik, Andrew and our speech pathologist, Kristin. The Dr herself came out to get us and Andrew was playing with one of those Dr office toys that no one knows the name of. She went right over and started playing with him. Finally we got back to the office and we talked a little bit about what is going on, she observed him and attempted to play with him, she was SO good with Andrew, It really made me feel at ease. She said that he is VERY intelligent, so much so that if he was verbal she would have given him an aspergers diagnosis,
\but because he isn't he will be labeled PDD-nos / high functioning Autism. He started to melt down while we were there, so we cut the apt a little short and are going to finish up all of the official paperwork when we go back on the 16th. I did a lot better than I was expecting, I didn't cry. I teared up, but I didn't cry. It's like I am almost relieved. It is finally over and we can move on to the next chapter in our lives.

After we got out of the appointment I noticed that I had a voice mail on my phone. It was from our local school district. In October we are going to go in and have an IEP meeting so we can talk about our goals for Andrew and all of that fun stuff.

We are just getting started on this long journey, but I know things are going to turn out just fine.

I guess I lied again. I truly seem to be running the gambit of emotions today. Right now I am bitter, resentful and angry. I truly hate feeling that way. I hate looking at others people's children and resenting them because they can tell their parents what they need, how their day was and just what it is that is making them so angry. I hate being bitter, having the " WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO MY CHILD" screaming in my head. <- It shouldn't happen to ANYONE'S child. I hate being angry. I am angry that I am so bitter and resentful. My child isn't dying. This isn't a death sentance! There is no reason I need to be getting like this! Resentful to a child? I mean COME ON! UGH * Deep breath*

I don't really know if anybody reads this, but I will tell you one thing. Having this blog for the short amount of time that I have had it is very therapeutic.

It is my hope that one day someone will read this and know that they are NOT alone. That they have someone they can talk to. To help another parent going though this, help them understand that it really is OK to feel like that and most importantly know YOU.ARE.NOT.ALONE.


  1. Hi, I found your blog through Babycenter, and wanted to tell you that you are not alone either. My 21 month old son was just diagnosed with mild/moderate autism, and I know the feeling of emotions being all over the place. I go from feeling hopeful and happy to have answers and move forward, to feeling angry, sad and resentful. It's a lot to take in, but with time I think we will reach a place of acceptance. Sending hugs your way!

  2. Hi Mina, Thank you for your comment. What you are feeling is exactly where I am at right now. How strange is it that we can be thankful for a diagnosis? Lol we are thankful because we know they are going to be getting they help they need!

    It still hurts. We still have to grieve and remember that that is OK!