Sorry for the delay in post, life has been crazy!
Since my last entry, it's been a crazy week! We got out apt set up (the 31st) to meet with our country case worker to get on the autism waver, apply for SSI and answer any other questions we might have. We originally thought that our follow up apt with Dr. Steffen was on the 16th at 3:00, when we arrived at 2:45 we were informed that our apt was actually at 2:00. Boy did I feel stupid. I really can't stress enough how AMAZING Dr. Steffen is. She is, the kindest, most professional, most hands on Dr. I have ever encountered.
On the 16th, she came out and talked to Erik and I for a little bit and then went to play with Andrew. She gave us some (more) packets to fill out and then escorted us up to the appointment desk and asked us what time, THE NEXT DAY, would work for us. We got an apt for 12:15 on the 17th! Unfortunately Erik couldn't get off of work early again, so I had to go alone.
Have I mentioned how FANTASTIC she is with Andrew? Anyways, We got back to her office and Andrew ran to the toys and I sat down to talk with the Dr. We had *MORE* paperwork to fill out, so she asked questions, I answered. After about a 1/2 an hour of that she asked if Andrew's made progress since we first started this journey, at 22 months. I answered honestly and heart brakingly, No, he really hasn't. She said that, while he might not have met the criteria for Autism at 22 months, he meets the criteria for Autism now. She originally thought that she was going to lable him PDD-NOS, but now she is thinking just Autism disorder. She said that she sees a lot of potential in Andrew because he is not totally in his own world. He is cuddly, loving and he is attempting to talk and wants to please us.
We will get the final report in the mail in a couple of weeks.
Life is just going to get busier. Just in the nest 3 months we will be wrapping up Birth to 3, starting school, meeting with county workers, interviewing Autism companies and eventually getting started with Autism therapy.
Saturday, August 18, 2012
Sunday, August 12, 2012
Get some support!
I will be attend my first Autism parents support group tonight. I am curious to see how it goes, How other people handled their situation when they were in the same spot as Andrew, Erik and I. I'm not sure, but I feel very nervous, Kinda silly if you think about it. All these parents are most likely a head of us in this journey. I'm sure it will be helpful.
This also makes me thankful of how much support my and Erik's family provides us. My Mom, sister, grandma, Dad, step mom, step siblings, Erik's Parents, grandparents, and brother, a long list of others who love Andrew, Erik and my self regardless. No questions asked.
I would suggest getting some support, if you haven't already from anyone. Friends, family, a community support group.
Here is a list of websites that can provide and on line community. Some times it helps, being anonymous.
This is a program specifically for parents in Wisconsin.
Just remember folks, Normal is just a dryer setting!
-Shauna <3
This also makes me thankful of how much support my and Erik's family provides us. My Mom, sister, grandma, Dad, step mom, step siblings, Erik's Parents, grandparents, and brother, a long list of others who love Andrew, Erik and my self regardless. No questions asked.
I would suggest getting some support, if you haven't already from anyone. Friends, family, a community support group.
Here is a list of websites that can provide and on line community. Some times it helps, being anonymous.
This is a program specifically for parents in Wisconsin.
Just remember folks, Normal is just a dryer setting!
-Shauna <3
Saturday, August 11, 2012
Vaccines- Is there a link to Autism?
Today I am going to talk about the controversial topic of vaccines and Autism. I am going to talk about my personal beliefs, what science says / why there was ever a connection and why there is all of a sudden an Autism epidemic. So buckle up folks, it's going to be a long one!
My personal beliefs are this. No - I do not think that Autism is /caused/ by vaccines. I do believe, however that it CAN trigger the symptoms - That is based on my personal experience, what I have witnessed with my son and other children. Andrew's symptoms happened to come after his shots. MMR also has egg protein in it, and at that time we were not aware of all of his food allergies, Maybe that is what triggered it. I doubt we will ever know. I believe in my heart of hearts that Andrew would have had Autism, regardless of if we would have had him get his shots.
In 1998, a researcher named Dr. Andrew Wakefield, published his study on the link between MMR and Autism in the British medical journal, The Lancet. On February 2nd of 2010 the study was retracted by the medical journals editor, stating "It has become clear that several elements of the 1998 paper by Wakefield are incorrect, contrary to the findings of an earlier investigation," The General Medical Council ruled on Jan. 28, 2010 that Wakefield and two of his co-investigators had acted "dishonestly, irresponsibly and had shown "callous disregard" for the 12 children in the study. The study suggested that the symptoms of autism in eight of the children and the gastrointestinal trouble in all 12 were somehow linked with exposure to the MMR vaccine.
Do you see what he did? He gave parents, who were sad, angry and looking for something / some one to blame, something to blame. He played on fears that all parents have of their children some how not being perfect. Autism experts have said that it is purely coincidental that the symptoms of Autism start around the age of 2 and that is when the vaccine is given. IF it were true that vaccines did cause Autism, then it would be led to believe that Children who are vax free would not have Autism, and that is clearly NOT the case. Here is a good link to a Mother's video diary about how she knows for a fact that vaccines did not cause her sons Autism.
If Autism was caused by vaccines, wouldn't it affect both boys and girls equally? Why are boys 5x more likely to be affected? 1:54 boys compered to 1:252 girls? If it is all about vaccines, why does Autism occur in the Amish community, where they have remarkably low vax rates? I just doesn't make sense to me.
This leads me to the last part of this debate. Why are Autism rates rising?
Autism wasn't first defined or described in the US until the 1940's It then took the APA (American Psychiatric Association) until the 1980's to classify it in the DSM, a tool used to diagnosis Psychiatric disorders, and it took another 24 years AFTER THAT, so in 2004, for the psychiatric establishments to officially state that Autism is a developmental disorder rather than a form a psychosis or schizophrenia. Until then children and adults with Autism were put in mental institutions because the medical society, and their families, believed they had a form of psychosis.
The rates of autism are rising because our understanding is rising as well. People who were originally thought to be mentally retarded, schizophrenic, or had some other form of psychosis, now have an official diagnosis.
I can say for a fact, that any future children we have will have their vaccines. They will probably be delayed, just because I don't like having more than 1 shot at a time, so why should my kiddo have to? I can also say that, even if vaccines did trigger Autism, I would rather have my child have Autism than something deadly that will kill them.
What is boils down to is this. It is up to the parents to do their research. Make informed choices, talk to your child's doctor, talk to friends and see why they did or did not vaccinate their children. As parents, we have a lot on our plate. Mommy wars and putting other peoples choices as parents down isn't going to get us anywhere. Help, educated, listen and someone might actually get somewhere.
My personal beliefs are this. No - I do not think that Autism is /caused/ by vaccines. I do believe, however that it CAN trigger the symptoms - That is based on my personal experience, what I have witnessed with my son and other children. Andrew's symptoms happened to come after his shots. MMR also has egg protein in it, and at that time we were not aware of all of his food allergies, Maybe that is what triggered it. I doubt we will ever know. I believe in my heart of hearts that Andrew would have had Autism, regardless of if we would have had him get his shots.
In 1998, a researcher named Dr. Andrew Wakefield, published his study on the link between MMR and Autism in the British medical journal, The Lancet. On February 2nd of 2010 the study was retracted by the medical journals editor, stating "It has become clear that several elements of the 1998 paper by Wakefield are incorrect, contrary to the findings of an earlier investigation," The General Medical Council ruled on Jan. 28, 2010 that Wakefield and two of his co-investigators had acted "dishonestly, irresponsibly and had shown "callous disregard" for the 12 children in the study. The study suggested that the symptoms of autism in eight of the children and the gastrointestinal trouble in all 12 were somehow linked with exposure to the MMR vaccine.
Do you see what he did? He gave parents, who were sad, angry and looking for something / some one to blame, something to blame. He played on fears that all parents have of their children some how not being perfect. Autism experts have said that it is purely coincidental that the symptoms of Autism start around the age of 2 and that is when the vaccine is given. IF it were true that vaccines did cause Autism, then it would be led to believe that Children who are vax free would not have Autism, and that is clearly NOT the case. Here is a good link to a Mother's video diary about how she knows for a fact that vaccines did not cause her sons Autism.
If Autism was caused by vaccines, wouldn't it affect both boys and girls equally? Why are boys 5x more likely to be affected? 1:54 boys compered to 1:252 girls? If it is all about vaccines, why does Autism occur in the Amish community, where they have remarkably low vax rates? I just doesn't make sense to me.
This leads me to the last part of this debate. Why are Autism rates rising?
Autism wasn't first defined or described in the US until the 1940's It then took the APA (American Psychiatric Association) until the 1980's to classify it in the DSM, a tool used to diagnosis Psychiatric disorders, and it took another 24 years AFTER THAT, so in 2004, for the psychiatric establishments to officially state that Autism is a developmental disorder rather than a form a psychosis or schizophrenia. Until then children and adults with Autism were put in mental institutions because the medical society, and their families, believed they had a form of psychosis.
The rates of autism are rising because our understanding is rising as well. People who were originally thought to be mentally retarded, schizophrenic, or had some other form of psychosis, now have an official diagnosis.
I can say for a fact, that any future children we have will have their vaccines. They will probably be delayed, just because I don't like having more than 1 shot at a time, so why should my kiddo have to? I can also say that, even if vaccines did trigger Autism, I would rather have my child have Autism than something deadly that will kill them.
What is boils down to is this. It is up to the parents to do their research. Make informed choices, talk to your child's doctor, talk to friends and see why they did or did not vaccinate their children. As parents, we have a lot on our plate. Mommy wars and putting other peoples choices as parents down isn't going to get us anywhere. Help, educated, listen and someone might actually get somewhere.
Friday, August 10, 2012
Routine
Routine, my folks, is the way we live.
Up at 6:30
Cuddles / playing in bed until 7
7:00 Daddy gets ready to go to work and Andrew and I watch Misty Island rescue and eat breakfast.
8:00 Brush teeth / Get dressed for day care
8:15 out the door for school to arrive by 8:30
Andrew is at school from 8:30- 12:00 - And that is scheduled and routine as well.
After we get home at about 12:15 Andrew takes his shoes off and goes straight to his train table. He uses that as a calm down after his day.
2:00-4:30,*usually* Nap - He is starting to grow out of them, but I would say he takes one about 3-4 days a week.
4:15 Daddy gets home, so after Andrew wakes up we run any errands that need to be run.
6:00 Dinner
After dinner we veg out and do what ever we want. Usually together, but some times we do things on our own.
9:00 Bed time. We watch an episode of something on Netflix (Lately Top Gear UK) Andrew gets his "sleepy tea" and cuddles up to Mommy (He has been a total Daddy's boy recently, little trader!) and falls asleep
Erik and I go to bed at 10:30
Get up and start everything over at 6:30
Very rarely does our routine waver. If it does it usually leads to a hard day for Andrew. For instance, yesterday here in lovely Wisconsin it down poured, So they couldn't go out side at school. When they came up for lunch Andrew was thinking it was time to go out side. He grabbed his shoes and waited by the door. When Ms. Stephanie told him it was time to eat, not go outside. He headed straight down to meltdown town. Lunch is at 11:00 When I got there at 11:45, he was still eating. She said that he screamed for about 25 minuets. :(
So there you have it folks, a day in the Robinson household. May not be that interesting of a live, but it's ours :)
Up at 6:30
Cuddles / playing in bed until 7
7:00 Daddy gets ready to go to work and Andrew and I watch Misty Island rescue and eat breakfast.
8:00 Brush teeth / Get dressed for day care
8:15 out the door for school to arrive by 8:30
Andrew is at school from 8:30- 12:00 - And that is scheduled and routine as well.
After we get home at about 12:15 Andrew takes his shoes off and goes straight to his train table. He uses that as a calm down after his day.
2:00-4:30,*usually* Nap - He is starting to grow out of them, but I would say he takes one about 3-4 days a week.
4:15 Daddy gets home, so after Andrew wakes up we run any errands that need to be run.
6:00 Dinner
After dinner we veg out and do what ever we want. Usually together, but some times we do things on our own.
9:00 Bed time. We watch an episode of something on Netflix (Lately Top Gear UK) Andrew gets his "sleepy tea" and cuddles up to Mommy (He has been a total Daddy's boy recently, little trader!) and falls asleep
Erik and I go to bed at 10:30
Get up and start everything over at 6:30
Very rarely does our routine waver. If it does it usually leads to a hard day for Andrew. For instance, yesterday here in lovely Wisconsin it down poured, So they couldn't go out side at school. When they came up for lunch Andrew was thinking it was time to go out side. He grabbed his shoes and waited by the door. When Ms. Stephanie told him it was time to eat, not go outside. He headed straight down to meltdown town. Lunch is at 11:00 When I got there at 11:45, he was still eating. She said that he screamed for about 25 minuets. :(
So there you have it folks, a day in the Robinson household. May not be that interesting of a live, but it's ours :)
Wednesday, August 8, 2012
All Autism NOT created equal.
I was an activist for Autism long before it affected my intimidate family. I have worked as a line therapist for autistic children for almost 4 years and I LOVE it. The children I have worked with have been all over the spectrum. Literally. I have worked with children who are 10 years old that are nonverbal and still in diapers and 6 year olds who can dived fractions, write novels and have been reading since they were 3! I love my job and have a true passion for it and the kiddo's I work with. Having it hit my home has only made my activism more intense.
One of the main things I hate about Autism, especially on the higher functioning end, is that it is a blind 'disease' That unless they know the symptoms or that the child is on the spectrum, people just think that the child is weird, behind their peers or mentally retarded. People pass judgement on your child and on your parenting. They think that when your child has a meltdown, it is because you are a shitty parent and all your child needs is a good spanking.
Another thing that I don't like, and I have to figure out the right way to say this so I don't offend anyone. I don't like when people say "At least it is high functioning Autism" YES I am thankful and grateful that my son is high functioning, but that doesn't mean that his life is going to be easy peasy. When it is said like that I feel people are minimizing Andrew's daily struggles and what Erik and I are going through as his parents. HFA doesn't mean that he is not going to have trouble making friends, or not have trouble getting a job because he doesn't understand social ques. It does not mean that he wont struggle in school even tho he is bright.
I AM beyond grateful that my son should have the ability to get a job and function in society *hopefully* on his own. But that still does not mean that he isn't going to have to work. So please don't minimize everything that he has to go though daily just because he is high functioning.
Truth is, we don't know what the future will bring, none of us do! Tomorrow he could wake up talking in full sentences or he could wake up and have regressed even further. Your child could wake up tomorrow and your family could be in the exact same position as ours. Your child or another child you love could be 1:88. All I am asking is that you take a step back and try to put your self in their shoes. Realized that that child and parent (who LOVES that child more than anything) that you are judging are probably going though a lot more than you think. Would you want someone staring or commenting while your child was having a difficult time? No? Ok Then.
One of the main things I hate about Autism, especially on the higher functioning end, is that it is a blind 'disease' That unless they know the symptoms or that the child is on the spectrum, people just think that the child is weird, behind their peers or mentally retarded. People pass judgement on your child and on your parenting. They think that when your child has a meltdown, it is because you are a shitty parent and all your child needs is a good spanking.
Another thing that I don't like, and I have to figure out the right way to say this so I don't offend anyone. I don't like when people say "At least it is high functioning Autism" YES I am thankful and grateful that my son is high functioning, but that doesn't mean that his life is going to be easy peasy. When it is said like that I feel people are minimizing Andrew's daily struggles and what Erik and I are going through as his parents. HFA doesn't mean that he is not going to have trouble making friends, or not have trouble getting a job because he doesn't understand social ques. It does not mean that he wont struggle in school even tho he is bright.
I AM beyond grateful that my son should have the ability to get a job and function in society *hopefully* on his own. But that still does not mean that he isn't going to have to work. So please don't minimize everything that he has to go though daily just because he is high functioning.
Truth is, we don't know what the future will bring, none of us do! Tomorrow he could wake up talking in full sentences or he could wake up and have regressed even further. Your child could wake up tomorrow and your family could be in the exact same position as ours. Your child or another child you love could be 1:88. All I am asking is that you take a step back and try to put your self in their shoes. Realized that that child and parent (who LOVES that child more than anything) that you are judging are probably going though a lot more than you think. Would you want someone staring or commenting while your child was having a difficult time? No? Ok Then.
Monday, August 6, 2012
Great weekend!
It was a good weekend! Erik and I went to a wedding down in Milwaukee, While Bug got to spend the weekend with Granny, Tay-Tay, MY Granny and Desi J. Of course he was fantasticly well behaved for them <3 Little stinker.
When Andrew was a baby, He was kind of scared Desi. She is a fast paced, hyper, tiny little thing Andrew goes up to her shoulder and she is 7! I think that when Andrew was a baby it was just too much for him. NOW that is he is almost 3, and off the walls himself, he LOVES her. She is the only child that he really plays and interacts with. He follows her around, copy-cats her, and just loves her to pieces. So he had a lot of fun :)
While Erik and I enjoyed our time away, we were exhausted! We left the reception at about 10:30 and we were both asleep by 11! Didn't wake up until past 9 the next morning. I have to say it was AMAZING. I don't think I have slept thought the night since before I was pregnant! lol We checked out of the hotel early so we could get back to Andrew because we really missed him. It was my 5th and Erik's 4th night away from him since he's been born!
After we got home, we just enjoyed some family time. It is truly our favorite part of every day. Erik and I truly and wholeheartedly enjoy our time with Andrew and love every minuet of it. Of course there are ups and downs, but every snuggle and every laugh makes everything worth it. <3
P.S. Granny is my Mom, Tay-tay is my Sister Taylor, My granny is Andrew's great grandma and my moms mom and Desi is my God-Daughter :)
When Andrew was a baby, He was kind of scared Desi. She is a fast paced, hyper, tiny little thing Andrew goes up to her shoulder and she is 7! I think that when Andrew was a baby it was just too much for him. NOW that is he is almost 3, and off the walls himself, he LOVES her. She is the only child that he really plays and interacts with. He follows her around, copy-cats her, and just loves her to pieces. So he had a lot of fun :)
While Erik and I enjoyed our time away, we were exhausted! We left the reception at about 10:30 and we were both asleep by 11! Didn't wake up until past 9 the next morning. I have to say it was AMAZING. I don't think I have slept thought the night since before I was pregnant! lol We checked out of the hotel early so we could get back to Andrew because we really missed him. It was my 5th and Erik's 4th night away from him since he's been born!
After we got home, we just enjoyed some family time. It is truly our favorite part of every day. Erik and I truly and wholeheartedly enjoy our time with Andrew and love every minuet of it. Of course there are ups and downs, but every snuggle and every laugh makes everything worth it. <3
P.S. Granny is my Mom, Tay-tay is my Sister Taylor, My granny is Andrew's great grandma and my moms mom and Desi is my God-Daughter :)
Friday, August 3, 2012
Welcome to Holland
Sorry for the multiple posts, but I found this today; It hits the nail on the head.
Welcome to Holland-
I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this
When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip to Italy. You buy a bunch of guidebooks and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum, the Michelangelo David, the gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.
After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."
"Holland?!" you say. "What do you mean, Holland?" I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy.
But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.
The important thing is that they haven't taken you to some horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.
So you must go out and buy a new guidebook. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.
It's just a different place. It's slower paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around, and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills, Holland has tulips, Holland even has Rembrandts.
But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy, and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life you will say, "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."
The pain of that will never, ever, go away, because the loss of that dream is a very significant loss.
But if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things about Holland.
Written by Emily Perl Kingsley
Welcome to Holland-
I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this
When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip to Italy. You buy a bunch of guidebooks and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum, the Michelangelo David, the gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.
After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."
"Holland?!" you say. "What do you mean, Holland?" I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy.
But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.
The important thing is that they haven't taken you to some horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.
So you must go out and buy a new guidebook. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.
It's just a different place. It's slower paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around, and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills, Holland has tulips, Holland even has Rembrandts.
But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy, and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life you will say, "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."
The pain of that will never, ever, go away, because the loss of that dream is a very significant loss.
But if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things about Holland.
Written by Emily Perl Kingsley
I hate hard days
Today we are having to keep Andrew home from school with Ms. Stephanie. He will not keep his clothes on. I've tried 4 different outfits. He's screaming and crying, throwing things banging his head on the floor. It's a nightmare.
I hate days like this, not being able to figure out what triggered it or how I can help him. This is mine and Erik's reality. This is Andrew's reality.
Right now, He is watching his favorite episode of Thomas, cuddled up with my pillow and Dad's blanket. He seems to be calming down for now, So hopefully our day will get better.
I hate days like this, not being able to figure out what triggered it or how I can help him. This is mine and Erik's reality. This is Andrew's reality.
Right now, He is watching his favorite episode of Thomas, cuddled up with my pillow and Dad's blanket. He seems to be calming down for now, So hopefully our day will get better.
Wednesday, August 1, 2012
Well, We knew it was coming
We had Andrew's appointment today and it was actually pretty interesting. It was me, Erik, Andrew and our speech pathologist, Kristin. The Dr herself came out to get us and Andrew was playing with one of those Dr office toys that no one knows the name of. She went right over and started playing with him. Finally we got back to the office and we talked a little bit about what is going on, she observed him and attempted to play with him, she was SO good with Andrew, It really made me feel at
ease. She said that he is VERY intelligent, so much so that if he was
verbal she would have given him an aspergers diagnosis,
\but
because he isn't he will be labeled PDD-nos / high functioning Autism. He
started to melt down while we were there, so we cut the apt a little
short and are going to finish up all of the official paperwork when we go back on the
16th. I did a lot better than I was expecting, I didn't cry. I teared
up, but I didn't cry. It's like I am almost relieved. It is finally over
and we can move on to the next chapter in our lives.
After we got out of the appointment I noticed that I had a voice mail on my phone. It was from our local school district. In October we are going to go in and have an IEP meeting so we can talk about our goals for Andrew and all of that fun stuff.
We are just getting started on this long journey, but I know things are going to turn out just fine.
UPDATE:
I guess I lied again. I truly seem to be running the gambit of emotions today. Right now I am bitter, resentful and angry. I truly hate feeling that way. I hate looking at others people's children and resenting them because they can tell their parents what they need, how their day was and just what it is that is making them so angry. I hate being bitter, having the " WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO MY CHILD" screaming in my head. <- It shouldn't happen to ANYONE'S child. I hate being angry. I am angry that I am so bitter and resentful. My child isn't dying. This isn't a death sentance! There is no reason I need to be getting like this! Resentful to a child? I mean COME ON! UGH * Deep breath*
I don't really know if anybody reads this, but I will tell you one thing. Having this blog for the short amount of time that I have had it is very therapeutic.
It is my hope that one day someone will read this and know that they are NOT alone. That they have someone they can talk to. To help another parent going though this, help them understand that it really is OK to feel like that and most importantly know YOU.ARE.NOT.ALONE.
UPDATE:
I guess I lied again. I truly seem to be running the gambit of emotions today. Right now I am bitter, resentful and angry. I truly hate feeling that way. I hate looking at others people's children and resenting them because they can tell their parents what they need, how their day was and just what it is that is making them so angry. I hate being bitter, having the " WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO MY CHILD" screaming in my head. <- It shouldn't happen to ANYONE'S child. I hate being angry. I am angry that I am so bitter and resentful. My child isn't dying. This isn't a death sentance! There is no reason I need to be getting like this! Resentful to a child? I mean COME ON! UGH * Deep breath*
I don't really know if anybody reads this, but I will tell you one thing. Having this blog for the short amount of time that I have had it is very therapeutic.
It is my hope that one day someone will read this and know that they are NOT alone. That they have someone they can talk to. To help another parent going though this, help them understand that it really is OK to feel like that and most importantly know YOU.ARE.NOT.ALONE.
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